Emotional Roadblocks and Writing
We talk about a lot of things on Pub Crawl - writing craft, the submission process, the editorial process, the industry, and lots of stuff in between. We like to encourage writing by hopefully imparting insight and advice. Lots of people do; bloggers, writers, editors, agents. And at one time or another, you've likely seen this advice: Write Every Day. There are no excuses. Do it or you'll never get better. Practice makes perfect - so practice every single day.
But for many of us, this advice can actually be detrimental to the process because we are going through a different kind of process: Healing. And sometimes, healing means not writing every day, or at all, for a long time. And the biggest key to this is understanding that it's okay. That your pace may different. That even your writing routine may change. This does not make you less of a writer, nor does it mean you won't still improve.
Full disclosure: I lost my father in March of this year. I say this not to garner sympathy, but to give some context. It was shocking in many ways, and completely unsurprising in others. But the thing I didn't expect? How grief really felt, and still feels. How it comes out at strange times, making the rest of your day difficult to get through. It’s a daily struggle, and I am only just beginning to understand that it will be for a long time yet.
The worst of it was, I lost my will to write. For many years, I posted poetry and flash fiction on my blog a couple of times a month. In addition, I did write nearly every day, or revised finished projects, or dashed off a few lines here, a few lines there. A random scene. A conversation between characters. For a long time, I was lucky enough to be full of inspiration.
After March, I still tried to write. But I was dissatisfied with the words, with the content. Suddenly, I wasn't sure who I was as a writer. What did I even enjoy writing? What stories did I have to tell? Everything was colored by this new way I viewed the world, however slight the difference might have been. I would begin a story, short or long, and see it through to 5,000 words before deciding I wasn't into it. I'd sit down to dash off a line here, a line there, and end up staring at a blank screen instead.
I read advice that told me to keep writing, to keep doing, to keep practicing OR ELSE. So over and over again I attempted it, and more and more the anxiety over that command made it impossible. And you know what? It wasn't until I finally allowed myself a break, some time away from the page to actually breathe, that writing finally started to be of interest again several months later. Now, I'm using NaNoWriMo to encourage that interest - but I'm not punishing myself when I don't hit the word count.
This is not to say I am not still struggling. Every word is harder to write than it used to be, because I'm fighting to understand who I am now versus who I was then. This is the same for those struggling with depression, or even with physical illness. Sometimes the idea that a true writer is one who writes every day, despite the struggle, despite the emotional hardship, is more detrimental to a struggling writer than the idea that we are allowed some time off, or we are allowed to adhere to a schedule that works for us - even if it means not writing daily. We are allowed to back away for a little while, to regroup, to think, to fight.
There is only one "right" way to write, and that is whichever way empowers you as an individual. If the idea of writing is giving you anxiety, remember that it's okay to take a break if you need one. Writing isn't going anywhere - it'll still be there when you're ready.
I'm certain I'm not alone in this - if you've found a way to write through emotional hardships, tell me about it! I'd love to know what you've done, or are doing, to find writing in your life again.